Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the best boss of them all

Prolog

The text above is an excerpt from the book "Moments of Truth" by Jan Carlzon. I think the quoted story describes a typical behavior of a new manager, except that Jan Carlzon was lucky to get honest feedback, and he was also rational to appreciate the input.

When I read the book the first time, 35 years ago, I thought it was fantastic. Jan Carlzon delivers so many insights into the power of decentralized decision making, and I still think his writing is cutting-edge in the Leadership genre.

The state of effective Management

Have you sometimes been struck by the change in behavior from people who are appointed to a managerial position? I certainly have. With curiosity, I have observed people reshape and take on behaviors they used to criticize. It seems like many are not aware of how the new responsibility affects them.

When looking at research, the prevailing experience of employees is that most managers do not have the talent to manage effectively. Despite the massive information flow on Leadership, bad Management appears to be the dominating rule.

I do think people know a lot about Leadership and how to create a great workplace. But even with the best intention, it is a challenge to become an admired leader who makes people grow. Probably one of the most challenging things to do. Why is so difficult to take on a role that everybody wants?

Self-awareness

For those of us who love quadrants, the Johari Window is a straight forward model explaining how hard it is to understand our behavior. Few people can appreciate their critical blindspot, and it can be hard to get the feedback needed to improve.

A more comprehensive picture of the blindspot phenomenon may be found in the research on behavior among leaders conducted by Simon Elvnäs at the Royal Technical High-school (KTH) in Stockholm.

Simon Elvnäs and his group of researchers filmed more than 400 managers on-site in their everyday environment. All films were analyzed and categorized into thousands of different leadership behaviors. The result was astonishing; Managers make the least of what has a positive impact on the organization and what they want to do, and most of what employees do not need. Simply expressed: managers do not, at all, do what they think they do.

In many cases, the work of Simon Elvnäs has helped managers change their behaviors. It might be a painful experience to watch yourself, but the films appear to provide beneficial feedback.

Not everyone will have the opportunity to get filmed and analyzed by scientists. Then how can leaders get insights about how others perceive them?

Feedback, Feedback, and Feedback

There is so much writing about feedback and it seems to be widely used. Just to pick one example: A 10-Year Study Reveals What Great Executives Know and Do by Ron Carucci, where it says: "Exceptional executives actively solicit feedback about how others experience them."

But despite all writing and talking about the importance of feedback, I don’t see much of it. Especially not the feedback which helps people improve. What is your experience?

I think many of us are too afraid of giving feedback and thus get little practice. This counts for both formal and informal leadership. We don't want to hurt or interfere. When the feedback sometimes comes out it is to blunt and does nothing else then moving people into defense mode.

I constantly hear people criticize other people. I hear it almost everywhere and I think it is bad behavior and cowardliness. It does not help the person being spoken about, nor does it benefit an organization. I think this is the core thing we all need to improve. Stop gossiping, start feedbacking!

Honest feedback, as Jan Carlzon got, should be treated as a valuable gift you get from someone who likes you. Easy to say, but it can be hard to even give and receive positive feedback. In many cases, feedback is perceived as criticism which makes people pull back or go into defense mode.

The how

Marcus Buckingham has a lot to say about workable feedback. His main advice is that feedback should not be advice for what to do, but all be about a reaction. “When you did or said <something> It made me understood, feel or think <something>.” If it is possible to expand and also explain the input can be even more useful.

“I care enough to be honest with you.”

“I would really like to get your feedback which makes me understand how I can support others.

Inspire people to be a better version of themselves.

How to get started

Select a person whom you trust, to be honest, and open to you. Preferably this person has an interest and experience in personal coaching. If not, ask the person to dive into this highly important subject.

Together you should work with your values and principles to set targets for your behavior. The objectives should be able to guide you in different situations where you are involved in your workplace. Ask the person to observe and give direct feedback on how well your feedback is matching your target behavior. Adjust and repeat the observations, and you're on the go!

This is a very effective way to create your mirror on the wall.

Conclusion

Maybe, great Leadership is not about finding people with talent or knowledge. Perhaps it is all about creating a fearless culture where feedback is a natural part.

More information

If you want to dive deeper into interacting with people, I recommend:

Kom ihåg

It might sound trivial to ask for feedback, but you cannot merely order a person to give this gift to you. Instead, you have to earn it by opening up show you need the feedback and take care of it. It is especially hard for managers to get the feedback they need since subordinates often have the genius to filter out some criticism.