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But despite all writing and talking about the importance of feedback, I don’t see much of it. Especially not the feedback which helps people improve. What is your experience?
I think many of us are too afraid of giving feedback and thus get little practice. This counts for both formal and informal leadership. We don't want to hurt or interfere. When the feedback sometimes comes out, it is to blunt and does nothing else then moving people into defense mode.
I constantly hear people speaking negatively about others who are not present. I hear it almost everywhere and I think it is bad behavior and cowardliness. It does not help the person being spoken about, nor does it benefit an organization. I think this is the core thing we all need to improve. Stop gossiping, start feedbacking!
Honest feedback, as Jan Carlzon got, should be treated as a valuable gift you get from someone who likes you. Easy to say, but it can be hard to even give and receive positive feedback. In many cases, feedback is perceived as criticism which makes people pull back or go into defense mode.
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Marcus Buckingham has a lot to say about workable feedback. His main advice is that feedback should not be advice opinions for what to do, but all be about a reaction. “When you did or said <something> It made me understood, feel or think <something>.” If it is possible to expand and also explain the input can be even more useful.
It might sound trivial to ask for feedback, but you cannot merely order a person to give this gift to you. Instead, you have to earn it by opening up show you need the feedback and take care of it. It is especially hard for managers to get the feedback they need since subordinates often have the genius to filter out some criticism.
“I care enough to be honest with you.”
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The Speed of Trust: The One Thing that Changes Everything by Stephen M. R. Covey
Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) by Tasha Eurich
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It might sound trivial to ask for feedback, but you cannot merely order a person to give this gift to you. Instead, you have to earn it by opening up show you need the feedback and take care of it. It is especially hard for managers to get the feedback they need since subordinates often have the genius to filter out some criticism.